Addictions
by xXxAngelDestined2FallxXx
Summary: Post New Moon Bella had developed a scary and life threatening addiction and she has no intention of stopping. Can the Cullens make her see the light...before it's too late? Rated M for self harm and attempted suicide! Please R&R!
1. Prologue

Prologue  
Bella's POV

_Cut. Cut. Cut. Cut._  
I let out a sigh as the blood trickled down my arm and into the water which filled my tub. I loved this time of day, when I could finally feel that sensation of release.  
I knew this was wrong. Especially with Edward waiting for me down the hall in my room. But I couldn't stop.  
When he left me after my birthday this was my only saviour…in a sense. It was the antidote to the numbness, the gaping hole in my chest.  
It was my life.  
And it was slowly becoming my addiction.  
I couldn't go a day without cutting, now I'm lucky if I can last a couple of hours without my antidote. I needed this.

I slowly got out of the tub, got dressed, and walked slowly, careful not to wake Charlie, back to my room.  
Climbing into bed, I snuggled into Edwards chest, not bothered by the cold. In fact, it eased the after-burn of the cuts.

I felt Edward's cool lips on my forehead before falling off to sleep in the arms of the man I love.

If only he knew…

x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x

**A/N**** So…what do you guys think? Love it? Hate it? Please let me know if I should continue because I wasn't so sure about this one.  
I hope you enjoyed it! Please R&R! :D**


	2. Edward Finds Out

Bella's POV

The next day I woke up to another cloudy day in Forks, and, for once, I was happy I lived in such a dreary town; it gave me a reason to wear long sleeves.  
School seemed to drag on for what seemed like forever. These days, it was as if all I could think about was getting back to my razor. All I wanted for this day to end.  
I was relieved when lunch finally came. I didn't know if I could handle another moment in class.  
"So Bella, trip over any flat surfaces lately?" Emmett's smirk brought me out of my trance and I shot him a glare.  
I was sitting in the cafeteria with Edward, Alice, Emmett and Jasper. Rosalie still hadn't warmed up to me, so I supposed that was why she wasn't here. And I tried not to let that get to me.  
I didn't reply to my playful big brother, instead I reached across the table to take my lemonade which was in front of Alice.  
Then my sleeve rode up and one of my newest cuts was on display. It was like everybody's breaths hitched at once and they all stared at my wrist as I hurriedly attempted to cover it up again.  
Surprisingly, Emmett was the first to speak, seeing as both Edward and Alice were in shock. "Bella, what happened?"  
I started hyperventilating, desperately looking for an excuse. I tried to calm my heart rate down, knowing they could hear it as clear as day.  
"I…um…cut myself accidentally while cooking dinner last night," I stammered. I hoped they would accept this excuse, and they probably would. I did have sort of a reputation when it came to being clumsy.  
Everyone let out a sigh of relief, everyone except Alice that is.  
"Well you really need to be more careful, Bella," she said, somewhat regaining control of herself.  
I just nodded and thanked the man upstairs when the bell rang, signalling the end of lunch.  
Edward seemed to have accepted this excuse, but for the rest of the day he was giving me disbelieving looks. And, for some reason, I couldn't bring myself to look him in the eye.

That night I was sitting in the tub. I was on my third cut and I realised my razor was getting kind of blunt, and made plans to get a new one the next day.  
Slowly, I made my fourth and final cut, knowing that Edward was waiting for me I knew I shouldn't take too long. I drew the razor sharply on the most prominent vain and the blood brought me the same release it always did. My antidote. Ever since Edward left all those months ago, Charlie and I hadn't spoken much. Another reason I needed this release.

Carefully and soundlessly, I walked back to my room.  
I opened the door and saw Edward sitting on my head. Something was wrong. His head was down and when he looked up, the expression on his face was pained. For all the years that he's lived his age had never shown on his immortal face. But today his face seemed to have aged ten years.  
I was frozen in place. After a few minutes of staring at each other I moved towards the bed and sat down next to him. I didn't know what this was about but I had a fairly good idea.  
He turned to me slowly before looking down at my arm.  
He reached for my arm carefully and I tried to resist him but gave in quickly and closed my eyes, letting him push up my sleeve.  
"Bella, open your eyes," I heard him whisper. So I did. And I saw him staring at the scars, and I was close to tears. With his finger he traced each scar lightly and I sighed at the cooling sensation.  
He looked up at me. "Bella…why?"  
And I didn't know what to say. I was frozen. I couldn't even cry. All I could do was melt into his arms and let a few tears slip out while he stroked my hair. By the look on his face I could tell that if he were human he would probably be crying too.  
"I'm sorry, Edward."  
Then I passed out, in his arms, into a uneasy and dreamless sleep.  
What have I done?


	3. Off To The Hospital

Bella's POV

"Bella? Bella, love?"  
I opened my eyes and looked at the angel sitting at the edge of my bed.  
I smiled. Then remembered what had happened last night. I sat up but remained silent. My arm was stinging badly but I didn't do anything to stop it. I deserved the pain after what I'd put Edward through.  
His back was turned to me and I heard a low growl coming from his general direction.  
He stood up and turned to me, and I gasped when I saw his face. The remorse and guilt was gone. All that was left now, was rage. Pure, unadulterated fury. And it scared me.  
"Bella," he said, his eyes blazing. "What were you thinking?"  
I looked away from the force of his glare. "I wasn't."  
"I want you to tell me now, Bella, how long this has been going on for."  
"Edward, I-"  
"No. I want a straight answer Bella."  
"Ever since you left me," I whispered.  
His face held a tortured look for a short second. Then it became furious again.  
"I'm sorry, Edward. I just couldn't deal with the pain that came when you were gone." A few tears fell and I dried them quickly.  
"Well I'm here now. So what, might I ask, is your reason now?" He was being cynical. I decided that I didn't like this Edward very much.  
I didn't say anything. I knew that, now that Edward was back, I couldn't justify my actions anymore.  
I felt a slight breeze and saw that Edward had left, only to appear a second later with several of my blades and razors in his hand.  
"Is this what you use?"  
I nodded. I heard a sharp snap as my cutting utensils were flung roughly at the wall, most stayed stuck.  
"Why would you do this to yourself, Bella. With all the energy I spend trying to keep you safe, how could you possibly justify turning around and bringing harm to yourself? I can protect you from many things, Bella, and I have. But I have never had to think about protecting you from yourself! How do you think that makes me feel?"  
I waited for him to finish his rant. The anger faded, and it left a look of sorrow behind.  
"I cannot begin to explain…how much I love you, Bella." If he was human he would be near tears now. "So to know that you are like this, being driven to bring pain upon yourself, and to know that _I _caused this to happen…it's _killing_ me, Bella."  
The tears were falling freely now, but I did nothing to stop them.  
All of a sudden, I needed my release. My antidote.  
Seeing Edward in so much pain made me empathetic towards him. I couldn't stand it.  
My blades were wedged halfway into my bedroom wall, so I used the first thing I that came to mind.  
Taking a deep breath, I took my pinky finger and dragged the long nail down my arms, drawing blood.  
Edward's head snapped up at the smell of my blood. Then he did the last thing I expected him to do.  
He took a piece of cloth, looking like a handkerchief, and pressed it to the cut; trying to stop the bleeding.  
Once most of the blood had dried up, he picked me up and carried me bridal style to his car.  
"School?" I asked meekly.  
"We'll skip today."  
He started the car and drove down to the freeway.  
"Then where are we going?"  
"The hospital. You will be examined and checked for any other markings and I will be advised on the appropriate action to take."  
"Edward-"  
"No, Bella. You cannot talk me out of this. I will not sit back and let you mutilate your body. Not if I can help it."  
By the set of his brow, I doubted there was anything I could say to change his mind.  
As we pulled into the hospital driveway, I thought about how much Edward loved me. He loved me enough to try and help me.  
The question was, did I love him enough to help myself?


	4. Chat With Carlisle

Bella's POV

We drove the rest of the way in silence. It was a long drive.  
When we did finally arrive at the hospital, Edward was back to being a complete gentlemen. He opened the car door for me and let me go through the doors first.  
"Sit," he told me, pointing at one of the empty chairs in the waiting room. I did.  
I had been sitting for what seemed like forever when Edward finally came to retrieve me.  
"My father's waiting for you." He took my hand and led me down the hall. We stopped in front of a small room, with Carlisle standing near the bed.  
"Come on in, Bella." I looked up at Edward for reassurance, and he nodded, slightly pushing me forward. I stepped into the room, but looked back when I realised that Edward wasn't following behind me.  
"Don't you worry, Bella. You'll be alright with me," Carlisle said with a smile.  
"Edward?" I asked feebly.  
"I'm sorry, love," Edward said. "But technically, by law actually, I cannot be with you until your examination is over."  
I nodded slowly and walked over to sit on the bed as Carlisle walked over to Edward.  
"Can I speak to you outside for a moment, son?"  
Edward paused, but nodded after a few seconds. They stepped out of the room and Carlisle closed the door behind them. All I could hear was a faint mumbling. I couldn't resist. I tried to be as careful as possible as I snuck up to the door and placed my ear against it.  
The words got clearer. They were talking loud enough for anyone to hear. They probably would. I supposed it would be kind of strange watching two men standing with their mouths open but not being able to hear a sound.  
"Did you see the wounds?" That was Carlisle's voice.  
"Just the ones on her arms. There might be more. That's why I brought her here. You can make her stop," Edward said.  
Carlisle sighed. "You know I cannot _make_ her do anything, Edward."  
"You are a doctor. You have to make sure that she-"  
"That she knows the consequences and understands fully the physical and mental illness this is most likely causing her," he finished for him. "_That's_ what my duty is as a doctor. As much as I may _like_ to make her stop, Edward, I cannot. It's not my job to force her into doing anything. I apologise in advance for any inconvenience this may cause you, son. Truly I am. But that is the law." Carlisle sounded stern. Like a father reprimanding his child.  
"Fine!" Edward snapped. "I'll be at home. Call me when you're ready for me to pick her up."  
Then I heard footsteps. He was gone. I'd never heard Edward so upset. It killed me to hear him this way. Tears actually escaped and flowed down my cheek.  
I ran quickly back to the bed and sat down, just before Carlisle opened the door.  
He looked as if he was about to say something but then he looked up at my puffy face and red eyes.  
"How much did you hear?" he asked.  
"Enough," I replied.  
"Don't worry about him, Bella. He's just worried for you, that's all," he reassured me with a smile. "So, let's get this over with, then," he said, less cheerily.  
I nodded again and waited for further instruction.  
"Bella, I'm going to need you to strip down into your underwear for me. Can you do that?"  
I hesitated. I wasn't really eager to undress in front of my future father-in-law. He read my face easily.  
"Don't worry. In this circumstance, I'm your doctor. Not father." He chuckled.  
I smiled a tiny smile. I started with my jeans; my legs had less scars than anywhere else on my body. After shaking my sneakers off, I slowly pulled them down, exposing my pale skin. A few scars stood out. I heard Carlisle make a soft gasp. He could probably see much more than I could. Probably every single scar.  
Then I lifted my shirt over my head and quickly hid my arms behind my back.  
"Bella," he prompted. "I need to _see_ it."  
We stared at each other for a while before I gave in. Me in nothing but my undies, him in full-on doctor mode. But eventually I did and put my arms in display in front of me. Even I was shocked by what I saw. Dozens of scars coated my arms all the way up to my shoulders. Some were a bright red, the fresh ones. Most were somewhat faded, yet still prominent through my porcelain skin.  
Carlisle gasped again, this time loudly, and pulled out my arms further.  
He didn't speak. All he did was stare at my arms in shock.  
My tears had stopped altogether. I couldn't even move.  
He tried to regain some of his professional composure.  
"Sit," he said. I did.  
He remained standing. "Can you tell me a few things?"  
I nodded, once again.  
"How often do you self-mutilate?" I cringed at that term. I didn't like it.  
"Every chance I get," I answered vaguely. I think he sensed my discomfort.  
"How deep do you… cut?" he asked. Much better.  
"Deep enough." I knew I was being vague. And I knew it wasn't helping much. But I knew they were going to make me stop. I couldn't stand that thought.  
He sighed and sat down beside me on the bed, but turned so that he was facing me.  
"Bella, I want you to listen to me very carefully. What you are doing is dangerous. Edward has told enough so that as not to burden you with too many questions." He sighed again. I remained silent. "As a doctor…"  
He took a deep, unnecessary breath. "As a doctor, my one and only duty is to _try_. To attempt to help you see the danger of your actions. To _try_…" He paused once more, but I had patience. I waited for him to continue.  
"But as a father, I want you to have the best possible solution to any problem. I love you, Bella. Edward loves you. And what you are doing to yourself is highly unhealthy…as a father, my duty is to help you…no matter what. And I will."  
"I know it's wrong," I said slowly. "I want to stop. I do. But I can't. It's not as easy as I thought it would be."  
"We will help you, Bella. Step by step," he said standing up.  
"What's the first step?" I asked, timidly.  
He seemed to be considering something for a moment. Then he looked back at me.  
"You're going to have to be watched. Every second. That's the first step."


	5. The Right Motivation

Bella's POV

As soon as Carlisle had completed his examination, I ran to the parking lot. But it wasn't Edward I found waiting for me in the Volvo.  
"What's up, Bells?" I heard Emmett say from inside the car.  
"What are you doing here?" I asked through the window.  
"Well," he said, a goofy smile planted on his face. "I was sent on a mission to keep you from harm. My agent has trusted me with his most prized possession, and I have sworn not to let him down!" He was talking like one of those superheroes in a lame movie.  
I rolled my eyes. Trust Emmett to make a joke out of everything and anything.  
"In plain English, please Emmett."  
"Okay, well, Edward told me that I need to watch you and make sure you don't hurt yourself while he's away. I'm not supposed to let you out of my sight for a second."  
I rolled my eyes again. "I don't need a babysitter, Emmett."  
"Too bad," he said, the same goofy smile on his face. "Get in."  
"No," I said, crossing my arms. This was all just utterly ridiculous!  
Emmett sighed. "Listen, Bella. This has to happen. And I'm sorry that it has to be this way, but just trust me. We know what we're doing."  
I still stood outside the car, not budging.  
Now it was his turn to roll his eyes. "Bells. You have a choice here. Either you get into this car and come with me willingly. Or I get _out_ of this car, pick you up, and _put_ you into this car. You choose." The smile dropped, and I could tell he was serious.  
I groaned. "Fine!"  
Once I was in the car he drove me home quickly, trying to be subtle with the glances he made towards my arms.  
As soon as we got home, I made a beeline for the door. Charlie wasn't home, so I just went straight to the bathroom.  
"I need a human moment!" I yelled as I ran up the stairs.  
I heard Emmett shuffling around the living room.  
Once I was in the bathroom, I locked the door behind me and scratched around in the sink cabinet.  
I gave a loud sigh when I found what I was looking for. My antidote. My release.  
This was where I kept one of my many stashes of razors.  
I grabbed the first one I saw, pulled up my sleeve, and pressed it forcefully against my wrist, drawing an obscene amount of blood.  
Within two seconds, Emmett was in the bathroom, having busted down the door, and the razors were out of my reach immediately.  
He said nothing. Grabbing a nearby towel, he held it against my freshest cut, shaking his head. He looked…disappointed.  
I couldn't stand to see Emmett like this. I looked away. What was wrong with me?  
I could tell he was struggling with the blood, so I don't know what possessed him to pick me up and run me all the way to his house.  
When we got there, Alice's was the first face I saw.  
She didn't greet me. All she did was look at my rapidly bleeding arm and then back at Emmett.  
"The bandages are in the kitchen. I would hurry if I were you."  
Emmett set me down and led me to the kitchen, where he secured a bandage around my cut.  
I held my ground. Never crying, or showing any emotion.  
Alice walked in just then. "It's alright, Em. I'll take it from here."  
Emmett nodded before walking out the door, after looking back at me with a heartbreaking expression.  
I sighed. This was too much. Where was Edward?  
"He's talking to Carlisle," Alice said, as if _she_ was the one that could read minds. "He'll be here in about a half hour."  
"What are they talking about?" I asked.  
"You," she said simply, wrapping a second bandage around my cut, which was now spilling blood. It actually started to make me feel a little faint.  
"And your…habits," she continued softly. I wondered whether she meant for me to hear.  
"What's up with Emmett?" I asked, trying to steer the conversation away from me. "I mean, I know that there's a lot of blood but he was acting really shook up."  
Alice sighed, cutting off an extra piece of cloth. "Bella, he wasn't shook up because of the blood. He was shook up because it really hurt him to see you do what you did," she said, bringing the topic back to me. "Especially since it happened a few feet away from him…and he was too late."  
"That's not his fault!" I jumped to his defence.  
"Oh, I know," she said, wiping away the excess blood on my arm. "He doesn't."  
She finished up and stepped back. "Your clothes are soaked. I have a shirt for you laid out on my bed. Go change before Edward gets here."  
I did.  
When I got downstairs about 30 minutes later, I saw Edward, Alice and Carlisle sitting at the dining room table, engrossed in conversation.  
I walked up to the table.  
"Bella, how are you feeling?" Carlisle asked.  
"Good, I guess." Then I noticed the box full of razors that sat on the table before them.  
My razors!  
I was about to ask, when Alice spoke up.  
"This is for your own good, Bella."  
Edward just stared at me, not uttering a word, but his face was pained. Almost resembling Emmett's, but Edward's was by far the most painful to look at.  
"I went to your house earlier and found all of your razors. I am personally going to dispose of these."  
My mouth fell open. What was going on?  
"We have to do this, Bella," Carlisle put in.  
I pursed my lips, and folded my arms. There was no way I was giving in that easily. I could find razors, somehow.  
"Someone will be with you during the day time when Edward isn't available. You will always be watched so that there is no possibility of you sneaking around, trying to replace the razors." Carlisle seemed to be in doctor mode again. I wanted to scream.  
"Take me home," I said as calmly as I could manage at that moment.  
Edward got up and took my hand, leading me towards the garage.  
As we passed Rosalie, I saw her shoot me a glare. Great. Just what I needed at this moment.  
Once we were in the Volvo and on the road I let out a sigh of relief, grateful to be under the intensive watches of the others.  
Edward said nothing, though he was driving unusually slow. It was a sign that he had a lot on his mind. And the fact that he hadn't voiced any of his thoughts was actually rather scary.  
"Edward?" I tried.  
No response. I started to panic.  
"Edward?"  
Nothing. Okay this was too much.  
"Edward, you can't ignore me forever, you know."  
This earned me a slight glance, but other than that, no reaction.  
And suddenly, I knew what was happening. This same thing happened all those months ago, on my birthday.  
Of course! Why hadn't I realised it sooner?  
The silence, the short glances, the pained look in his eye.  
He was going to leave me again! Of course he was!  
I couldn't believe this was happening again!  
Without even noticing, I felt tears on my cheeks.  
Then, my anger flared.  
"Stop the car," I told him, calmly.  
"What?" he asked, speaking for the first time since this morning.  
"Stop the car!" I screamed.  
"Bella, be reasonable-"  
"Stop the car or I swear I will get out while it's still moving!"  
He did, seeing that I was serious. We might not have been going very fast, but he could tell that we were going fast enough that if I were to jump out of the car, it would do some damage.  
I opened the door, got out the car and started walking.  
"And _where_ do you think you're going?" Edward asked, driving slowly enough to follow me on the road.  
"Home."  
He sighed. "Bella, get back into the car."  
"No."  
"Bella, please?"  
I turned, facing the window. "Edward, I know you want to leave me! I can tell! Stop pretending! If you want to go, just GO!"  
He stared at me, stunned. "Bella, what on earth would make you think I wanted to leave you?"  
"Because you've done this before! I'm familiar with the signs, okay?" I started walking again.  
I was frustrated and tired and just wanted to get away from him.  
"Bella? Please talk to me?"  
I turned back towards the car. "What, Edward? What? What could you possibly say to me that would reassure me?"  
"Bella," he started again. "I love you. So much. You will never know how much I love you. I will never leave you again. Not in a lifetime! You should know that!"  
I sniffed. "Then why are you acting the same way you did when you-"  
I got cut off by a strangled hiccup coming from my own throat.  
"Bella, you have no idea how much I despise myself, right now. Time and time again I've vowed to keep you out of harm's way, and time and time again I fail you. I'm not angry with you, love. I could never be angry with you. I'm angry with myself. I couldn't even save you from yourself! How could I not be angry with myself?"  
At that moment I yanked the car door open, got in and grabbed Edward's face, looking him in the eyes.  
"Listen to me carefully," I said to him slowly. "This. Is. Not. Your. Fault. At all! So please, don't blame yourself! It will only make me feel worse!"  
He nodded slowly, then reached over and closed the door behind me.  
"Will you let me drive you home, now?"  
I nodded.  
I was about to sit back in my seat, when Edward grabbed my face, and pressed his lips against mine, roughly.  
I was confused, but I would never turn down Edward's kisses. So I kissed him back forcefully, knowing it wouldn't last long. As soon as things got…hot, Edward would pull away and mutter something about 'life threatening danger'.  
So it surprised me when he kissed me back with even more force.  
I kissed him earnestly, wishing this would last forever.  
But he never pulled away.  
Instead, I felt his tongue on my lower lip, begging for entrance. I all too willingly obliged, opening my mouth, allowing him to explore the contours of my mouth.  
The iciness of his breath and tongue made me shiver…in a good way. At this point, he would draw the line and pull away.  
Ususally.  
Now it just caused him to push against me harder. Our tongues fought for dominance, until his won out, and continued to explore my mouth.  
I knotted my fingers in his hair, drawing them through his locks.  
I heard a low growl emit from his chest.  
Then, he was gone.  
I opened my eyes, panting unbelievably hard, and found him starting up the car again.  
"Wow," I muttered, then saw his smirk.  
Then he got serious again. "Don't worry, Bella. We're going to get through this. Together."  
He took my hand, and held it tightly. I was still panting, trying to catch my breath.  
When we pulled up into my driveway, neither of us got out. I saw Charlie's car in the driveway, and I noticed that it was almost 11pm. I had been at the Cullens for hours and hadn't even told him where I'd been! I hoped Edward had a good lie cooked up, because I had nothing.  
Of course, there was something more…pressing on my mind.  
"Um…Edward…"  
"Yes, love?" he asked, turning to me.  
"That…kiss…um…would you ever…like…want to do…that...again?" I said, absolutely embarrassed. I looked down.  
Edward chuckled.  
He pulled my face towards his, so that I was looking straight into his amber eyes.  
"Of course, love…" he murmured, pulling me closer, until our lips were inches apart.  
"As soon as you start improving."  
Then he pulled away, getting out of the car.  
As I stepped out and closed the door behind me, I suddenly decided that maybe this wouldn't be very hard at all.  
With the proper motivation, I was pretty sure I could do it.  
With the right motivation…

**X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X**

**A/N**** Awwwww E+B 4ever!  
What a LONG chapter! Phew! Hope you enjoyed!  
Please R&R! You guys have no idea how much it means to me when you do! :D **


	6. Two Weeks Later

Bella's POV

Two weeks.  
It's been two weeks since I last cut myself.  
And it's killing me.  
I'd been trying to hide it from Edward and it hasn't been that hard since the only thing has been focused on was keeping me from cutting. And as long as I wasn't then everything else just slipped by him.  
Not to say that Edward hadn't been rewarding me as he promised. His kisses almost made giving up worth it.  
Almost.  
So here I was. Sitting in Carlisle's study at 10:30am, waiting for him and Edward.  
"Good morning, Bella," Carlisle said as he walked in.  
I looked up from the loose, flannel material of the hospital gown I was made to wear.  
"Are you ready for your check-up?" he asked, standing before me.  
I nodded, getting up to strip out of the gown.  
This had been going on for a while.  
Due to Edward's insistence and, for lack of a better word, paranoia, Carlisle had started giving me daily body checks.  
It was to make sure that I hadn't harmed myself anywhere on my body. Edward also insisted on being present during the check-up to make sure that Carlisle wasn't helping me by covering for me if I had indeed self harmed.  
Even when Carlisle reassured him that he would never do that for the sake of my safety, Edward wasn't about to take chances.  
Just as I slipped out of my gown and was standing in my bra and underwear, Edward walked in.  
He wasn't bothered about my lack of clothing anymore, although when it was time to check…elsewhere he politely averted his eyes.  
"Alright, Bella," Carlisle started, "I just need you to stand still and this will be over soon. You know the drill."  
I nodded again, my eyes glued on Edward. His face held a pained expression, as it always did during check-ups. He didn't like the idea of having my body searched anymore than I did, but he felt that it needed to be done.  
And I trust him and Carlisle to keep me safe.  
The first thing Carlisle did was inspect each of my arms and legs carefully. Then he move onto my stomach and back, then my neck and ankles.  
Then it was time for the most uncomfortable part.  
"Bella, I'm going to need you to remove your underwear for me," Carlisle said softly.  
He knew how violated I felt when I was searched.  
I whimpered, looking at Edward with a pleading look.  
"You know what, Carlisle," Edward said, "I think Bella's been searched enough for today."  
Carlisle opened his mouth to argue, but upon looking at the hopeful look in my eyes, he gave in and just nodded, steeping away from me.  
I mouthed a silent _thank you_ to Edward and walked across the room to retrieve my clothes.  
"We'll be outside," Carlisle said looking away from me. Out of respect I hoped. "Don't be too long."  
I nodded, even though I knew he didn't notice.  
After about 10 minutes I was fully clothed in my black jeans, black long-sleeved shirt and black converse. Edward was confused about my sudden love of black. So was I.  
But I dress according to my mood. Without cutting, my mood isn't as cheery as I would like.  
When I got downstairs I saw Edward waiting for me.  
"Bella," he started as I walked into his arms, "would you like to come shopping with me?"  
I giggled. "Isn't that Alice's line?"  
He smiled into my hair. "Well, yes, but I promised Alice I would pick up some supplies for her Chemistry project. And I'm not doing anything now."  
He held me an arms length away and cocked his head. I smiled.  
"Okay, sure. It would be nice to get out of the house."  
Ever since I began to be 'babysat' I never found the chance to get out of four walls.  
The drive to Walmart was short, mainly because of Edward's driving, and we got there in no time.  
For hours we roamed around the mall with Edward picking things off shelves and shoving them harshly into the trolley.  
It didn't take long to figure out that Edward really didn't enjoy shopping.  
Then we walked into the chart paper aisle and Edward couldn't decide what to get.  
For a few minutes he contemplated getting both, then he decided to phone Alice to find out what she would prefer.  
"…but the _Butterfly_ chart paper is less expensive…"  
"…_well, yes, Edward, it is cheaper but you pay for quality…"  
_I listened patiently to their conversation. Edward seemed to be getting more and more frustrated by the second and I just had to smile at the expression on his face.  
After a few minutes though, I did get a bit fidgety so I began to look around.  
I turned around expecting to find more poster and chart paper, but the entire wall behind me was covered with school supplies.  
And that wasn't the bad part.  
All I saw were scissors, compasses and craft knives.  
My palms started to sweat and my breathing picked up.  
It had been so long since I had even been this close to anything remotely sharp. I felt a stabbing pain in the pit of my stomach that could only be interpreted as need.  
The need for something sharp.  
The need to feel the familiar pain of a blade slicing my skin.  
The releasing sensation of blood flowing from an open wound.  
I looked back at Edward, who seemed too engrossed in his chart paper debate with Alice to even notice me.  
Acting on pure instinct alone, I quickly snatched the nearest craft knife off the shelf and stuffed it into my sleeve so that it was barely noticeable.  
I turned back to Edward, who was still on the phone and was now holding up a pack of bright yellow card paper.  
I might actually be able to get away with this.  
Suddenly, Edward dropped the paper to the floor.  
"She _WHAT?!" _he yelled into the phone. He turned back to look at me and I tried to keep my face blank.  
"Okay…yes I will…thank you Alice."  
Once he'd hung up, he moved towards me and grabbed my arm.  
I tried to resist. Bad idea.  
When I pulled my arm away from him the blade from the knife cut me. Not too deep, just deep enough to draw a little blood. And I couldn't deny the instant relief I felt with the pain.  
Edward took that opportunity to pull down my sleeve and snatch the craft knife out of my reach.  
He walked to the other side of the aisle and stood silently, holding the bridge of his nose tightly.  
I stared at the floor, waiting for him to speak.  
"Stealing, Bella?" he said finally. "Is your habit that bad that you're willing to resort to _stealing_?"  
I could hear the disappointment and anger in his voice and I was afraid to look at his face.  
"I'm sorry," I whispered after a long moment of silence.  
A few more minutes passed, then he wordlessly took me by the wrist and pulled me out of the store and into his car, leaving all his shopping behind, completely forgotten.  
"Now what?" I asked him when we were on the road.  
"We're going to the hospital," he answered curtly. "To Carlisle. To find out what's the next best option for us."  
I groaned, causing him to glare at me.  
"Bella, if you had the slightest clue how much you mean to me you would understand why I cannot allow you to do this to yourself."  
I sighed, but other than that, displayed no emotion.  
When we got to the hospital, Edward walked straight towards Carlisle's office, not bothering to reply to the secretary's questions about his visit.  
As soon as we were in front of the door, Edward didn't even bother to knock before bursting in.  
"Carlisle, we need to talk."  
Then I noticed who was sitting in the chair in front of Carlisle's desk.  
Charlie.


End file.
